Getting Married

Marriage is never easy. Happy Ever After only happens in fairy tales. Life is hard so why should it be any different when we get married. The first week, month, and year are hard. Learning to share with another everything you have is hard. The stress and the hard ship can be diminished if we plan what we what to do before we are married. Here are some questions to go over with your soon to be spouse.

1.       Will the wife use the husband’s last name, her own name, or a hyphenated name?

2.       What will be the division of labor in the home? Who will do cooking, washing, repairs, and so on?

3.       Will you have children? If so, how many?

4.       Will you use contraception? What kind?

5.       If you have children, how will you divide up the child care responsibilities? What kind of discipline will you use?

6.       What will you do about housing? Will housing decisions be made in light of the husband’s career, the wife’s career, or both?

7.       Who will be the breadwinner? How will financial decisions be made and who will be responsible for paying bills?

8.       What will be your relationships with the in-laws? Will you spend part or all of your vacation time with parents or relatives?

9.       How much of your leisure time will you spend together and how much separately?

10.   What are you sexual expectations?

11.   How will you change the terms of this contract over the course of your marriage?

By answering these questions it helps eliminate situations where, “I thought we would have kids before I was thirty? No we would only have kids when I’m situated in my career and I don’t plan to say at home ether!” Major miscommunication. By sitting down they both would have known what the other thought and been able to plan accordingly. The biggest thing to know when going into marriage is to know what the other think is going to happen. By donning this we can stop many future problems in their tracks before they can even begin to form. We can’t have it all our way, that’s why compromise was invented.

Life is not one big honeymoon; it usually takes a couple a year before they are to a realistic mode of living together. We can’t go into marriage thinking that if I don’t like it I could just leave. The marriage is way more likely to end in divorce if that is the mid set we go in with. Those with a higher level of commitment are more likely to be satisfies with the union and less likely to have thoughts about divorce or other possible partners. Go in with the thoughts of I want to be married to this person tell the day I die, and forever.