Divorce and Fatherhood

How does divorce affect the family? Divorce turns families against each other. Sometimes a mother will turn her children against her x-husband even if he had done nothing worng.

Facts about Fathers in the Home

“Approximately one third of all children under the age of 18 will live apart from their biological father. A  white child has a one in two chance of living continuously with a biological father through the age of 18, while an African American child has a one in four chance. In 1995 one in three births was to unmarried women” (Dudley and Stone). This means that a great portion of our population at one point or another does not have a father figure in their lives. With divorce on the rise some families will have a father, but he will be a stepfather not the biological father.

Misconceptions of Fatherhood

                There are many misconceptions about fatherhood in the world today. In mass media men are often portrayed as being self-absorbed, self-centered, highly competitive, sexually promiscuous, bungling as fathers, prone to violence, and preoccupied with their own needs. When a divorce takes place, if the father wants to have the children, they are suspected of foul play, on wanting to get revenge on the wife, or just wanting the upper hand. The world looks at husbands as if they are there for nothing more than discipline, protection, and financial support of the family.

Fathers Physically Living Apart from the Family

                When fathers live apart from their children it is difficult for them to spend quality time together. Sometimes the mother is not willing to let the father see the children or schedules conflict making it hard. One father explained that is was hard to see his children because it was emotionally, physically, and financially draining (Dudley and Stone). Consequently some fathers think it is better not to see the children and simply stop being fathers.

Divorced Fathers

                It used to be In noncustodial divorce cases that studies only  talked to the mother. In recent years they began interviewing noncustodial fathers and found differing opinions. Interviewers found that, “divorced fathers tended to give more credit to the value and extent of their involvement with their children than did their former spouse” (Dudley and Stone). It can be said that there are both good and bad fathers.  Bad fathers can say it was the mother’s fault even when it was really their own fault. Mothers can also pit their children against their father as well. One father said that when his children come over they were in tears because their mother went on and on about how she had to take them over, but she did not want to. He said it made him feel that sometime it would be better if they didn’t come over and see him if it caused them pain (Dudley and Stone).

Remarried Fathers

                Many divorcees remarry within a year. This causes strain on the newly remarried father. He sets firm bounders between him and his new wife and children; as a result the relationship with his children from the first marriage becomes more detached and problematic.  Remarriage can also cause tension because the first marriage children might think that he is trying to replace them. Another burden on the father is that he now is supporting two families. The biggest form of detachment occurs if only one parent remarries. When children live in a family group environment it is hard for the children to go over to the single parent’s house and vice versa.

                Divorce turns family members against each other. It tears already delicate relationships apart. When there are children involved it makes it even harder. I have seen how divorce tears families apart, making it hard for a father to see his children, and when he does how his wife has a heart attack ever time. Divorce in my mind can do nothing but hurt, there are times when it needs to be done, but I believe we as a nation divorce far too quickly without give the marriage a try. Marriage isn’t easy hut neither is life.

Works Cited

Dudley, James and Glenn Stone. "Fathering At Risk: Helping Nonresidential Fathers." 2001. Google Books. Book . 27 November 2013.